Last week I read this awesome post by Dara Tafakari, "6 Reasons Being A Low-Maintenance Woman Is Overrated" and instantly connected with her message, particularly this line:"There is a power in understanding what you can and cannot live without."There was something about turning 30 that made me remember me--the woman behind the businesses, the husband, the kids and all the other responsibilities on my plate.I had my daughter at 20 and my son at 22 and from then on I was obsessed with doing everything I could "the right way." I wanted to be respectable. I wanted people to take me seriously. I wanted to make sure that no one could ever criticize my parenting or think that I could have possibly gotten in over my head.The result was that I shrank myself.I started thinking about things I had given up -- pretty undies from Victoria's Secret in favor of a 5-pack of Hanes, new shoes when the mood struck me, getting dressed up on my date nights. But truthfully, these were minor things compared to some of the sacrifices I had made without even realizing.Going weeks without any "me-time."Working long hours and sacrificing sleep for paychecks.Not having the sex life I wanted (or needed!).Not having the mental bandwidth to prioritize friendships.Even now, as I've made adjustments and placed myself firmly in the center of my universe, I feel like I am perpetually tip-toeing the line between fighting for what I need and understanding that everything won't always go my way.A happy life can be found in the middle.So how do you fight for what you can not live without? A few notes:

1. Recognize that we are all fluid. What was acceptable to us as teens might not hold true when we're in our 30s and beyond. Acknowledging this fluidity is key to helping us stand firm in where we are now. You don't have to keep living your life a certain way simply because it worked for you five or ten years ago. You're allowed to evolve and want more.
2. You're allowed to have your needs met. Period. Your voice matters. Your needs matter.
3. Think small to aim big. Most of the time slight adjustments can bring dramatic improvements in our happiness levels. We don't have to always shoot for the moon and get radical in our changes overnight. Small changes can lead to a big win.
4. Be firm. When we draw boundaries or express desires to our loved ones, we can't go back to what we thought was unacceptable just because they balk. It might cause confusion or strain in our relationships but that pain should be temporary as you both work to accept these new boundaries.

Let me know how this post hit you. Agree? Disagree? I'd love to hear it.