Am I The Only One Who Has Ever Cried In The Shower?

It was 2007. My infant daughter had been crying for the past six hours, and as her mother, I could feel myself reaching my breaking point.I had gone to class earlier that day and was extra tired. For some reason her father wasn't home yet so I was standing in the middle of the living room/kitchen swaying softly back and forth, trying to get to the "happy place" in my mind.But her cries were too loud, too piercing and any effort to visualize a warm breeze and a sandy beach were quickly pierced by my baby girl's insistence for something. I had changed her, burped her, fed her, rocked her, swaddled her, played with her, talked to her but nothing helped.She was just in a mood and so was I.Later that night, after she finally calmed down and fussed herself to sleep, I took a long shower, put my face in the water and cried. Cried tears of frustration, of panic, of fear. Why is this so hard? I asked myself.As time went on, I retreated to the shower more and more to let out my cries. It was perfect because no one could hear me, yet the water was so soothing.  I felt like the shower gave me reassurance but also kept my secrets so no one else had to know.One day a friend told me that she too cried in the shower and I felt like I was member of a secret "bathroom criers" club for a moment. But then that moment passed and I asked her, "Why do you cry in the shower?""Well," she said, "I don't want my son to hear me."And there it was. We hid our tears as to not bother our family. Not to show them that hey, something is off balance here. If they knew, maybe they could help fix it. But only if we were willing to be vulnerable.I don't cry in the shower that often anymore. Now I'm in therapy and doing the hard work of being the best me and avoiding adding "shower cry" to my to-do list.That means expressing my feelings (sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment) right there, in the moment, instead of worrying about "how it will sound" or "how others will view me."That means keeping track of my energy levels, and allowing myself to rest when my body is weary and my mind is tired.That means making sure that my true priorities (my family, my health, my sanity) always come first. No excuses. If there's something I want but the only way to get it is to neglect any one of those three, I don't need it.That means making sure to replenish my reserves so that I am ready to do battle and not dragging myself to the fight.That means being easier on myself when I make a mistake or don't follow through on something like I should.That means giving myself time to breathe, not filling up every waking moment of my day with something just so I could feel productive.Change....feels good.My email subscribers get first dibs to content like this. Join us so you can be ahead of the curve.