Mama, Here’s To Surviving + Thriving During Virtual School This Fall

Like most parents, I spent most of the summer trying not to think about the looming decision ahead: would I send my kids back to a physical school building in the fall or would I opt for some sort of virtual schooling, in the face of the coronavirus pandemic.

In mid-July, our school district unveiled their reopening plans, with two options: send the children to school on a schedule that followed the county’s coronavirus numbers (allowing for virtual instruction in the case of any peaks) or to go strictly virtual through January. 

With a child and a husband both with asthma (a regular cold knocks my daughter out for at least a week), we quickly settled on a virtual option, out of an overabundance of caution. 

So now what? 

A recent survey of Self Care Suite community members showed that 74% of you are in the same boat — trying to figure out how exactly this fall is supposed to work with virtual schooling plus the regular demands of employment, navigating a pandemic and trying to keep everyone’s mental health intact. 

So I turned to a few wellness experts to share their best tips on how we make it through. 

First I called Sara Williams, the founder of Foundations Educational Consulting. I knew she’d have insight into what this upcoming school year might hold. As a former Teacher of the Year, a homeschool coach and host of the podcast, Dear Homeschool Mom, her first piece of advice was simple: stop worrying so much about the “how.” 

“Though we may not be as prepared as we had hoped — no one saw this coming — we’re resilient and so are the children,” she says. “Remember this is just for a season.” 

SET YOUR KIDS UP FOR SUCCESS

The first rule of virtual school, Williams reminds us, is that we have to call in reinforcements. Trying to go it alone will cause more stress. 

“First I encourage parents to take a deep breath and list all the resources to support their child’s journey,” she says. “What are you getting from the school? What resources do you have from home? What else do you need to help your child be supported in school-to-home transition?”

TIP: This could look like having a good sense of what the school day is expected to be. It could look like organizing a separate space in the home for their schoolwork time. One mom in my son’s school also created a Facebook group for parents going virtual in the district. If one doesn’t already exist, think about creating one (or asking the district to create one) for questions and support. 

Williams also encourages us to consider our children in a new light — not just as our kids but as students. “How are they as a learner? How do they thrive? How do you work with them when they’re frustrated?” 

TIP: This is a good time to think about what your children actually need. Take a moment to consider their hows and lows of a regular day. Do they need frequent breaks? Are they a visual learner? Do they need to hear a lesson versus read it? Do they need supervision or are they more independent? And remember that in many cases, virtual school doesn’t need to perfectly mimic in-person school. In fact, it can’t, by definition.

Williams believes it all comes down to one question: “Do I trust myself to be the best for my kids? Don’t shortchange yourself as a parent. Yes, it’s uncertain but we’ve got this. What is making you feel unsettled? Change what you can and throw the rest away.” 

SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

It’s one thing to transition a space in your home for your children to learn and help them progress through virtual school. It’s another thing to balance that and everyone’s mental health as the world looks very, very different than we pictured. 

As a parent, it means that self-care is paramount. Developing rituals and routines to stay ahead of overwhelm will be key. 

“You feel all kinds of emotions — you’re not just a mom, you’re a worker,” Williams says. “To reset, I would remove myself and breathe deeply. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s important to acknowledge that you are not ‘less than’ because you are overwhelmed.” 

TIP: Part of tackling that overwhelm is delegating where you can. Think about what needs to be off your plate now and what you might put on hold in order to have more mental energy to deal with the here and now.

Williams has been homeschooling her children for several years and has had her share of stressful days. She recommends that we set definitive start and end times to make sure we don’t go overboard.  

“I have to have a ‘shut it down’ time — days and nights should not be running together,” she says. “I have to take a minute to celebrate the end of a long day, just for myself.” 

Have some ritual that signifies the end of the “working” day, where it’s simply going outside to sit for a minute, taking a walk or calling a friend, or making a cup of tea. Something to signal to your brain that we are done here. 

JOURNAL IT OUT

Lisa Gadson McCraney, a licensed counselor based in Akron, Ohio, recommends that we use some form of journaling to get out how we really feel. 

“My journal does not talk back, nor does it judge me for my ‘right now’ feelings,” McCraney says. “When I write, I can think what I think and feel how I feel in the moment, walk away, and come back to it later. Typically, the act of writing it out is healing in and of itself, because it allows me to take a sense of control over the thoughts and feelings, instead of letting them control me.”

McCraney recommends giving your journal room to breathe after you write out your feelings. “And what I find is that when I come back to my journal later, I'm usually in a better headspace to revisit those written thoughts and feelings, and speak truthful life to them,” she says. “Remember, just because you feel it now doesn't mean that it has to be your forever thought and feeling.”

GET CREATIVE

Jennifer Sterling, a dance/movement psychotherapist based in New York City, stepped up her self-care as she personally recovered from COVID-19, by penciling self-care into her calendar. 

“It's a gentle reminder to stop and do the things I know I need to do for myself,” Sterling says. “I'm intentionally taking more breaks and scheduling shorter work days when I can. As a therapist, like other helping professions, it's really easy for burn out to happen and I want to be mindful of that and create possibilities for preventative care.” 

Sterling suggests we tap into our natural urge to create during this period.

“As a dance/movement psychotherapist, I've seen firsthand the healing power of creativity. Allow yourself to validate the emotions that come and find creative means of expression -- move your body, sing, write, make art.”

GET OUTSIDE

“Women of color are entitled to joy – to feel free and whole,” says Nailah Blades Wylie, founder of the outdoor adventure community Color Outside. “Unfortunately, many of us have been taught to disconnect from what truly makes us feel happy, free, full, and alive. Outdoor adventure is an excellent vehicle to tap back into yourself. Getting outdoors allows you to get into a meditative state so that you can reconnect with yourself at your core. It allows you to really become one with your body, to take deep breaths, to get really present.”

TIP: So if the stress of the day starts to take over, head to the park to do a nature walk, go to an outdoor nursery and select a few plants to take home, or find a quiet lake to get still and center yourself. 

“Getting outdoors literally quiets the part of your brain responsible for anxious worrying and allows the taskmaster part of your brain to chill so that the parts responsible for creativity and innovation can fire up,” Wylie says. “And there's something so powerful about pushing your comfort zone to conquer something new.”