"You Ain't Loving Hard Enough"

I know every year after Mother's Day, I have to go check up on my friends.It shouldn't be this way, but it is. On Monday, I check in gingerly to see how their weekend went. If they received cards and homemade presents from their kids, and a bit of appreciation or acknowledgment from their children's father, married or not.If we're lucky, there's no fire to put out.They felt good, their love tanks are full, they are ready to keep on lovin'.But for the unlucky ones, we talk.I don't know what happened this year, but more friends than usual had a crappy Mother's Day. No card. No brunch. No acknowledgment of the day other than a verbal "Happy Mothers Day" in the morning.The hell?They are not all perfect wives and mothers and they make mistakes like most of us. But damn. It breaks my heart to hear how many women are just walking around feeling unloved, when there is a person in their home who is supposed to love them relentlessly.When women are feeling unappreciated and they're still at the beginning stages of loneliness, they turn to their friends. Women know. We don't even have to say anything half the time. We know.Marriage is HARD. I recently told my friend that I think marriage is more challenging to me than motherhood. Staying in love with someone who is always growing, always becoming a little less of the person you fell in love with as they acquire life experience, as the situations around you change as well -- that is a challenge that takes two people to conquer.I know plenty of stellar husbands to know that it (it being "loving as hard as you can and then going a little further") can be done.For the fellas whose girlfriends/wives shared this post and now you're reading it because you want to see what's got her all riled up, ask yourself: Does she know you love her? I didn't ask if you tell her you love her. I asked if she knows.Words are great. When my husband says he loves me, it's so affirming and sweet. But actions, my dude. Actions are the moneymaker.Because if your words and actions don't match, you're playing a losing game. If you say you love her, but there's no card or acknowledgment for Mother's Day, what is she supposed to believe? If you say you love her, but you don't regularly acknowledge her in ways that are meaningful to her (quality time, physical touch, etc), what is she supposed to believe?If you say you love her, but you don't listen when something is bothering her, what is she supposed to believe?If you say you love her, but you balk at making sacrifices on her behalf, what is she supposed to believe?If you say you love her but there is no follow through, if you're satisfied with coasting through this here love story, what, my friend, is she supposed to believe?But if a woman feels loved and appreciated (not just on special holidays, but every damn day) she will move MOUNTAINS FOR YOU. HAPPILY. Without complaint. But don't let her be the only one sweating.